I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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