Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize