I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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