I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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