Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
