we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
