you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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