Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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