I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
