I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
