What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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