Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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