I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
