Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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