I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
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in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
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my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
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