based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Randomize
