I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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