every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize