This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
