My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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