Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize