whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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