Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
