i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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