She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.