The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
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Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
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Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.