I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
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WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
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For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.