I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT