I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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