"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
