i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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