Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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