Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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