In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
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Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
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I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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