I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
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I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
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Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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