i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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