What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
