Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
