Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize