I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I love black thongs
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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