I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
