i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
