its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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