my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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