he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
