I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
