Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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