i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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