are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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