then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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