I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
