I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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