I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
