Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
