How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Randomize
