We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
