you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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