I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
