this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize