Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Never underestimate the power of titties
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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