Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
