My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
