Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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