Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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