all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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